Finding Authentic Meaning & Purpose - The Obstacles

Happy No Matter What - A Short Story

We were driving along the South Circular Road on our way home to Templeouge, a suburb on the southside of Dublin, when Cushla’smobile ‘phone rang. We had been expecting the call from St. Vincents Hospital, where  Cushla had been diagnosed with breast cancer eight months earlier. After chemotherapy and radiation, she was given the all-clear, but on a recent check-up, the oncologist had suspected something wasn’t right and had sent her for a battery of tests.

 Fear and weariness began to creep up my body. I wanted to hear what the caller had to say, so I pulled over to the kerb and parked the car.

The senior hospital administrator on the phone was now telling Cushla they had ‘found something’ and that the oncologist himself would contact her soon. I was devastated. I knew the cancer had come back. Before the call, we had been praying together, but I didn’t want to pick up where we had left off—I felt I didn’t have the strength. ‘Now is the time to pray,’ Cushla said. She meant it more for me than for her. I protested, but she continued to encourage me to carry on praying. Despite the bad news, she was thinking of me as she attempted to sustain me in my anguish. Before I joined her again in prayers, to my amazement and eternal admiration, she gently reminded me that we should drive off because she needed to pick up her brother, Peter, from his mental health workshop at the usual time of 3:00 pm. Again, she was putting someone else’s welfare before her own.

When we got home, Cushla sprang into action, collecting what she needed before heading off in the car to collect her brother. After bringing him to their family home, where he lived with their mother, Patsy, she planned to spend the rest of the afternoon looking after him and Patsy, who had developed dementia a couple of years earlier.

Incredibly, despite the bad news, Cushla was still keeping up her usual light-hearted demeanour. She wasn’t putting on a brave face. Nor was she in denial. Her joy came from somewhere deep in her soul. She even tried to pep me up, smiling and joking, before she closed the front door behind her and headed off to collect Peter.

Despite many trials, including bearing another debilitating illness for seventeen years, Cushla was easily the happiest person I had ever met. So, where did she get this incredible strength and sense of joy from even when facing her own death? Having known and loved her for twenty-seven years, I can categorically say that it was because of her strong faith in God. ‘If you have a hundred per cent faith, you will have zero per cent fear.’ was not just saying she coined herself but a tenet she lived by faithfully giving her a sense of meaning and purpose that transcended any suffering she faced in this ‘veil of tears’.

Everybody has a different calling, but Cushla knew that her mission was, at its core, to love and take care of those around her. It seems that she made a good choice from a spiritual and psychological standpoint:

 There is growing evidence that a sense of meaning and purpose that transcends our own narrow ambitions and desires seems to increase our resilience and mental well-being in general. In Psychology Today, Sherry Hamby, PhD, a Research Professor of Psychology, University of the South, states:

 ‘So far, we have examined 35 different strengths, and the results have been surprisingly consistent: A sense of purpose appears to contribute to our well-being more than other strengths. In one head-to-head comparison, purpose was the only strength that was uniquely associated with healthy functioning after adversity.’

Three Obstacles That Prevent You From Finding Your Purpose

1) You’ve bought into the world’s values

You probably felt, even from an early age, that you  needed to find a meaningful purpose greater than your own narrow-self interests, but just like me, you might have neglected or delayed  your search:

I was captured by the world’s idea of success and achievement for years. Ironically as soon as I tasted ‘success’, I felt hollow inside. I slowly began to see through the shallow values I had unconsciously picked up. Inspired by Cushla, who had never allowed herself to be shortchanged by our materialistic society, with its lack of imagination about what a human life can be, I began my own search for a more meaningful purpose in life. The journey wasn’t easy, though. I had many  obstacles and personal faults  to deal with, including:

2)   Attachments

You may not think you have a core negative belief or strong attachment to wealth, as the rich young man in the bible had. Still, if you’re mysteriously stuck regarding finding a meaningful purpose for your life, some unconscious idea you have may be holding you back—or blowing you off course and away from a higher calling.

You need to become aware of what’s actually driving you. Although I was never materialistic, I had an unexamined core belief that money could buy me the freedom to do what I really wanted to do, so I spent an inordinate amount of time and energy pursuing it.

The world promises you everything, but it’s a lie. Because of my attachment to ‘success’, I never questioned my approach to finding my purpose: I thought I could pursue wealth, and in time,  I would find a deeper meaning. Despite going down multiple fruitless paths that eventually made me unhappy, I clung to the idea that ‘this time it will work’, only to be left bereft and feeling empty again. As John Lennon sang in ‘Beautiful Boy’: ‘Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.’.

3)  Impatience

Some of you are saying: ‘But I’m years searching for my life’s purpose!’ This was the case with me. Impatience is one of my trademarks. Sometimes I think that instant gratification takes too long! My attitude is constantly reinforced by our hurry-up society, where we are losing the ability to wait because we want what we want right now. Fortunately, I had Cushla, who would reassure me when I became frustrated in my search, saying: ‘God will reveal His purpose for your life, in time’. I also had passion and persistence, which kept me going during the bleaker moments when  I thought  I would never find my calling. Looking back on these times, I can now say it was all meant to be:  the search for meaning was part of the journey.

Recommended Resources:

Books:

Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor E. Frankl. Published by Beacon Press